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One afternoon Kristin was telling me about this video because she knew it would make me mad. This is what friends do sometimes (at least female ones) and it’s not because we’re actually trying to piss each other off, it’s just because we know what each other care about and sometimes it comes out, “Ohhhhhh man I saw this thing that would drive you crazy!”

It’s ok.


Of course I wanted to see the video after she mentioned it and of course she was right– my eye rolling began as soon as this “popular YouTube star and mother of two” started talking.

After it was over and I was just as annoyed as Kristin promised I’d be my thoughts went like this”

Don’t do it, Katie. Don’t take the bait. Click the ‘I don’t want to see this’ link in your mind. 

At first it worked, I misplaced it in my mind and forgot all about it, but then it was everywhere. A million and two links on Facebook, blog posts, videos, and articles all defending mom-hood against the unenlightened minds of the childless who have (apparently) collectively decided that all of our now parent friends have entered the age of douch-i-ness.

And they’re all getting it wrong. 

Put down your pitch forks and fire sticks, ladies. We don’t believe motherhood has made you an asshole anymore than being single and childless makes us idiots!

We know kids change everything and they suck up your time and energy, there’s really no need to explain or offer excuses for that, we get it. There may be a few of us who’ve never had a lot of experience with kids and maybe that few doesn’t know all of the details, but being logical human beings we all can reason that giving birth to and raising a child is not easy.

Maybe you could consider for one moment that just because we share our time with different things than you do now, doesn’t mean that we don’t share our time and that we’re obviously completely self-consumed. We still have worries and responsibilities and single person incomes. And yeah, WE KNOW that those things aren’t the same as having a child, but please don’t do us the injustice of acting like they are less important than motherhood because that really does make you look like an ass. The grass is always greener, right? We could compare notes all day.

Perhaps instead of feeling pressured by our text messages, emails, and invitations out, you might see them instead as us offering an olive branch– a way for us to remind you that you aren’t forgotten, you’re still important to us. Because for all of those same reasons your baby makes it hard for you to go out with us that you mentioned, it also makes it hard for us to go out with you and your baby. We aren’t trying to be demanding of your precious time, we just don’t want you to think that we have abandoned you since our lives have started going in different directions. It’s ok for you to take your time getting back to us and to decline invitations when you need to. We get it.

But really, here’s the thing: All that time you’re spending making YouTube videos or writing exhaustive lists of excuses for why we’re too much trouble for you in the midst of all of your heavy mom-responsibilities that you believe us to be totally clueless of, you could be sending us a three word text message that says the only thing we really want to hear from our friend whom we miss.

Motherhood, becoming a wife, work schedules, social events, being single– none of it is a good excuse to be a bad friend, and that’s the bottom line.




Tessa Cait ... I think I was making this face this afternoon.

I had a brief moment of insanity this afternoon and I felt like I needed to share it with someone, because… well, it was that insane.

I’ve been dealing with a lot lately, work stuff, life stuff and I’ve been really frustrated.  I admittedly don’t handle change very well and have been thrust right into the middle of a whole bunch of it over the course of the last four weeks. I feel as though every other moment I’m facing something new. As soon as I establish some kind of routine, something comes along and generally upsets the whole thing.

Today for whatever reason (and I can’t really say that there was a good one) I reached my peak and started to panic a little. It was in the midst of this panic that I decided that the best thing for me to focus all of my attention on as soon as possible would be finding a husband… … …

Yeah. I’m honestly not sure how my brain got from frustrated-about-my-life to must-find-husband-now. I’m not really sure I want to know how my brain got from one to the other, what I can say though is that this plan seemed like a good idea for exactly 5 minutes. At this point I find it extremely entertaining that having just posted a whole blog entry about how much I hate dating, I would come to the conclusion that all my problems would be solved by finding some poor fool to marry. Dear Lord.

In that 5 minutes I had mapped out just exactly how I was going to accomplish this feat, and then, like a ton of cement, reality came crashing in and I was reminding of all of the very real reasons this was not a solution at all.

Now that I feel like I’ve done my part and confessed my craziness, I’m going to go to bed and try to sleep off the insane.

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February 2020
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