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One afternoon Kristin was telling me about this video because she knew it would make me mad. This is what friends do sometimes (at least female ones) and it’s not because we’re actually trying to piss each other off, it’s just because we know what each other care about and sometimes it comes out, “Ohhhhhh man I saw this thing that would drive you crazy!”
Of course I wanted to see the video after she mentioned it and of course she was right– my eye rolling began as soon as this “popular YouTube star and mother of two” started talking.
After it was over and I was just as annoyed as Kristin promised I’d be my thoughts went like this”
Don’t do it, Katie. Don’t take the bait. Click the ‘I don’t want to see this’ link in your mind.
At first it worked, I misplaced it in my mind and forgot all about it, but then it was everywhere. A million and two links on Facebook, blog posts, videos, and articles all defending mom-hood against the unenlightened minds of the childless who have (apparently) collectively decided that all of our now parent friends have entered the age of douch-i-ness.
And they’re all getting it wrong.
Put down your pitch forks and fire sticks, ladies. We don’t believe motherhood has made you an asshole anymore than being single and childless makes us idiots!
We know kids change everything and they suck up your time and energy, there’s really no need to explain or offer excuses for that, we get it. There may be a few of us who’ve never had a lot of experience with kids and maybe that few doesn’t know all of the details, but being logical human beings we all can reason that giving birth to and raising a child is not easy.
Maybe you could consider for one moment that just because we share our time with different things than you do now, doesn’t mean that we don’t share our time and that we’re obviously completely self-consumed. We still have worries and responsibilities and single person incomes. And yeah, WE KNOW that those things aren’t the same as having a child, but please don’t do us the injustice of acting like they are less important than motherhood because that really does make you look like an ass. The grass is always greener, right? We could compare notes all day.
Perhaps instead of feeling pressured by our text messages, emails, and invitations out, you might see them instead as us offering an olive branch– a way for us to remind you that you aren’t forgotten, you’re still important to us. Because for all of those same reasons your baby makes it hard for you to go out with us that you mentioned, it also makes it hard for us to go out with you and your baby. We aren’t trying to be demanding of your precious time, we just don’t want you to think that we have abandoned you since our lives have started going in different directions. It’s ok for you to take your time getting back to us and to decline invitations when you need to. We get it.
But really, here’s the thing: All that time you’re spending making YouTube videos or writing exhaustive lists of excuses for why we’re too much trouble for you in the midst of all of your heavy mom-responsibilities that you believe us to be totally clueless of, you could be sending us a three word text message that says the only thing we really want to hear from our friend whom we miss.
Motherhood, becoming a wife, work schedules, social events, being single– none of it is a good excuse to be a bad friend, and that’s the bottom line.
I’ve been in Target way too much lately. Yesterday when I was in Target I stood in line in front of a pair of college students who had not come together, but who went to the same school and ran into each other at the check out. They were talking about why they had each come to wander through Target and their reasons weren’t far off from my own. I decided then and there that it must be a universal rule that women of all ages and from very different walks of life come to Target to de-stress and indulge in relatively painless retail therapy.
This morning when I was in Target again with my sister and a friend we walked down and isle together to witness an actual granny carrying the quintessential pair of granny panties… on a hanger. Immediate silence fell over the three of us as we all saw at the same time and were trying to decide in our own minds how best to proceed without embarrassing ourselves and this unsuspecting old woman. Eventually Kristin broke the silence by just saying, “something funny, something funny” so that we could all laugh at her and not at granny panties.
I’ve just finished the first steps towards making some sense of my closet. This is going to be quite an undertaking. This evening I unloaded a ton of makeup on Kaylan. I have a ton more to give to Kari and my sister in-law Rachael. There’s still a lot left for my professional kit, which goes a long with my face painting kit, which goes along with my special effects kit. Good lord. I have a lot of space above the high shelf in my closet and I’m trying to decide how best to use that space and if it’s worth doing something besides just stacking organizational boxes up, up and up. We’ll see.
Good night guys, I hope you’re getting to fall asleep to the sound of rain the way I am.