toilet-paper-e1304714402604A couple of nights ago I came home and went into my bathroom only to flip the light switch and have it burn out. Heaven only knows why I didn’t change it right then and there, but I decided I would come back to it, got distracted and fell asleep.

Around 3am I woke up and needed to use the restroom and totally forgot about the light burning out. Once again I went to flip the switch and it wouldn’t come on. This terrified me.

To understand my terror you have to understand how my brain works in these kinds of situations. I think, running in the background of my brain, is some sort of internal terror radar that searches and alerts me to any and all possible situations that will require that I run for my life. Literally. And it’s extremely sensitive when other senses are impaired (due to alcohol, being half asleep, not wearing my glasses etc.). So let me break down for you how this work… I am half asleep, it’s the middle of the night, I fully expect the light to come on and it doesn’t. My brain scans possible scenarios in which all of the above criteria is present and based on the number of those scenarios that involve the threat of bodily injury or death sends out the terror alert. This takes a matter of mere seconds and rarely makes any sense whatsoever.

Moving on… in my terror I decided it’s better to just be on my guard for what doom might be associated with a burned out lightbulb instead of risking my neck climbing on a stool while I was half asleep to change the lightbulb out.

Somehow in the process of using the restroom, the end of the toilet paper got stuck in the waistband of my pajama pants…

Go ahead and laugh now, it’s only going to get better.

… So toilet paper stuck in the waistband of my pajama pants. I start to walk back into my bedroom and of course the toilet paper roll starts to clatter behind me on the toilet paper holder. Given that my ITR (acronym FTW) had already alerted me to possible danger, my reaction time was astounding. Without a second thought I screamed and jump/dove towards my bed. This was some amazingly sturdy toilet paper because even jumping to save my life didn’t break it and the roll proceeded to make even more noise, my response to which was to scramble from floor to bed and bury myself in my blankets, trembling in fear, sure that I was about to be killed by the mysterious noise in the bathroom.

It took some time, but eventually I realized what was actually going on, cleaned up the stream of toilet paper that ran from the bathroom into the middle of my bed, and got myself back to sleep.

The moral of this story is don’t procrastinate, it will make you look like a fool. =)

 

The next lesson I learned this week was much more simple, but of greater value to me. I learned that when I blog about things I care about, I do well to write as though I am confident that the reader cares what I think. It comes out so much better that way, than when I assume that my thoughts aren’t all that important, but someone MIGHT get something out of them.

 

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