Some mornings I wake up and things seem so clear.

For a very brief window of time before I sit up, before my feet touch the ground, maybe even before I’m fully awake, there are certain things that just… make sense. Things that I usually struggle with during the day, things that I war over in my mind, fears that nag at me and refuse to be silenced, somehow in that moment have vanished and I am peaceful in a way that’s hard to describe and sure of what is true.

I wish that I could sink into that moment, or somehow carry it with me, but shortly after that moment comes all of the other moments in the day. I sit up, I go into my bathroom and realize that the dreams that are replaying in my head must have caused me to toss because my hair is disheveled beyond description. I start coffee or tea, take my dog out the back door and sit a moment on my deck, breathing deep and ponder how fantastically ugly my neighbors new fence is. =) I have breakfast and check things like email, facebook, instagram, my calendar. Talk myself off a ledge when I start to get that knot in my stomach over everything I’m supposed to be getting done between now and whenever. And all that’s before I even get ready for work.

The moment where everything made sense is gone… until the next morning.

I keep thinking of part of this song that mentions that being brave is just another way of being afraid. It would be an easy thing to take the wrong way, I think. Depressing almost if you don’t pay attention and take it to simply mean that no matter what, everyone is just scared.

The thing is, though, I think everyone is scared.

Life is scary. There are a lot of sudden changes, a lot of things you never think possible happen, and there’s no real way to hide from any of that. And the not knowing what’s coming, what it all means, how certain changes will effect you, and trying to be patient while you find out. Well, that’s the scariest part.

We’re all afraid… and that’s ok.

What I like about the words to the song is that it makes me realize that even though we’re all afraid, we have a choice when it comes down to the way that plays out in our lives. I wake up in the morning and that Ā feeling I have of security and purpose isn’t false, it isn’t lingering sleepiness keeping me in a safe bubble until reality bursts it. It’s bravery. My instinct in those first few moments is to look being afraid dead in the eye instead of hiding from it, and as a result for just a second I feel like, well, like the real me. Then somewhere along the way as “reality” sets in I make a choice to be buried under it all. Bravery slips away and I start running. I’ve lived whole sections of my life trying to figure out how to carefully avoid all that I’m afraid of, planning out every step I take with the sole purpose of avoiding being afraid.

I’m done. I don’t want to do it anymore. It’s exhausting.

I like the brave Katie I get a glimpse of every morning.

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