Keep reading and you might not like what you see… but someone has to say it.

I’m a short curvy girl and when I say I have my fair share of insecurities it doesn’t even begin to scratch the surface of that issue for me, but I’m also someone who’s deeply committed to being confident, secure, and proud of who I am… and I’m not skinny, nor will I ever be.

There’s nothing wrong with not being skinny… however, if you’re going to not be skinny, you need to do it right.  Skinny is not the only form of attractive… there isn’t any certain type of attractive… not when you really come down to it. Attractive is what you make of what you’ve got and that seems to be the point that a lot of the un-skinny are missing.

I believe being attractive comes down to two things:  being comfortable and having self-respect. It sounds simple enough, and yet, so many people are missing the mark.

Being comfortable doesn’t require justification. You are allowed to be OK with who you are and how you look; no matter who you are or how you look. All of this “real women have curves” stuff is supposed to be a sign of confidence, but too many women say it with such desperation that their insecurity is all too obvious. It is also only half true. If said in a way that suggests that women with curves are the only real women, all we accomplish is to turn the oppressed into the oppressors. The point is, of course, that we’re supposed to be asserting that we who have curves are also real women. Something everyone secretly already knows and for some reason can’t admit out loud — after all, breast implants add curves, don’t they?

Which brings me to my next point… Comfortable women don’t come with a barbie sized chip on their shoulder. Period. If you can’t be BBW without holding a grudge against girls who are smaller than you, then you need to consider what beauty really is.  If you’re worried about being attractive to the opposite sex, your first order of business should be to ditch the attitude, guys don’t like it, and while you’re busy justifying your love handles and knocking girls without them, men will be running in the opposite direction instead of holding on and taking you for a ride.  It’s not you against all the other women in the world… it’s just you. If you can’t be comfortable with your body, how can you expect anyone else to be?

My last words are on self-respect, and this is of particular importance to me. Something I’ve noticed with this movement of accepting yourself is a sense of entitlement. What I mean is that, a lot of women seem to be under the false impression that the only reason to practice self-control in what you eat, or to exercise is for the express purpose of losing weight, and that if you’re “accepting your body as it is” that neither of the above are necessary.  Taking care of ourselves is always necessary and a healthy diet and exercise are a part of that, it doesn’t necessarily have to have anything to do with losing weight. More than anything it’s about being responsible, disciplined, and having self-control. These are attractive attributes, not because they make you look better, but because it shows that you care, that you are reliable and stable.  But the biggest reason to live a healthy life is not what it says to others around you about who you are, it’s what it says to you about who you are. When you take care of yourself you become confident and you get to that place where you are comfortable because you know you have nothing to be ashamed of, that you are capable and self-sufficient. The person who knows these things, is the most attractive person of all.

I chose the picture above for a very specific reason… it’s supposed to represent women of different shapes and sizes and how they are all attractive. But what I see are two women who are comfortable in the knowledge that they are attractive and a 3rd who still seems pretty sure she isn’t. But one of the things which is essential to becoming confident is being able to work what you’ve got no matter who else is in the picture. It is impossible to be confident if you are measuring yourself up to someone else. When you know you are taking care of yourself and you enjoy working what you’ve got, all the measurements disappear. It is easy to forget that fashion isn’t forever. There have been times in the not too distant past of human history when all three of these girls would have been too skinny to be considered attractive to most of the men of that age. It is also easy to forget that what is held up by a culture as an ideal is not necessarily everyone’s personal taste. Some men are genuinely not into skinny, don’t want you to be skinny, would be sad if you got skinny, and are perfectly normal guys, not a freak or a fetishist — and it isn’t just not so skinny guys, either. There is no reason to choose to believe that you can meet a guy who matches your taste for whom you will be his taste. They’re out there. You just have to learn how to carry yourself and present yourself so that he can find you.

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