Speaks for its self.

I’m upset and instead of going to bed as I should, I’m going to eat a cookie and blog.  I would only toss and turn anyway.

I can’t do anything about the things that are bothering me right now, so as an alternative, I’m going to unleash on something else (I should mention here that the topic of this blog is completely unrelated to my current state of distress)

I am a girly girl. I love romantic comedy… even thought they are completely unrealistic, and yet, I hate dating. Especially first dates.

After the end of an intense relationship, I went on a dating binge, most of which never moved beyond the first date and this is how I learned that I hate dating. I’m willing to admit that it isn’t entirely dating’s fault. Part of it is most definitely connected to the state I was in at the time. Heart broken doesn’t even begin to describe that period of my life, I was devastated.  Dating was, absolutely, the last thing I needed to be doing… but at the time I was desperate to fill the incredible void I suddenly found myself with, and it seemed like trying to fill the void with hyper social activity would do the trick. I was wrong. Very. Very. Wrong.

Thank God, when I look back, most of it was funny, although there were some definite mistakes.  It’s actually the funny ones that taught me that I didn’t want to date anymore, and those are the stories I will use to illustrate my point and inspiration for this blog post ( besides, I don’t to completely indulge my bad mood.)

There were more first dates than I can to admit to, honestly, so I’ve chosen to relieve three for your amusement.

The first was with whom I’ll nick name for this post Random Inappropriate Guy. This first date was so odd that I completely fail to remember all of the details surrounding how we ended up on the date in the first place. We met at a Fire Bowl restaurant and 5 minutes in, he began to explain to me how he considers himself a “sexpert” and apparently wrote about sex for some sort of living. Like the guy version of Carrie Bradshaw.  The best part was when he started going into graphic detail about his “reasearch” for his writing. I’m not sure how I managed to make it through the whole meal, but needless to say, I never saw him again.

Next up was John. I keep John’s name because for some reason it just seems to fit better than giving him a nick name. John was a blind date, set up via email by a girl I knew at the time. John seemed nice and so we agreed to meet at a Mexican food restaurant in Austin for dinner. We’d exchanged pictures and so everything seemed like it would go smoothly.  When I pulled into the parking lot of the restaurant, John pulled in at the same time, in fact, he parked right in front of me. I thought this was perfect, it would save us the awkwardness of trying to find each other inside. Except that before I could even open the door to my car, John jumped out of his and literally ran inside. I was sort of stunned. I sat in my car wondering for a while if perhaps seeing me in person had changed his mind, and in the end I decided to call him to spare myself the humiliation of walking through a crowded restaurant just to be rejected. When he answered he acted as though he hadn’t seen me and then lied and said he had been in the bar for a while. That should have been my cue to put my car in reverse and drive home… instead I went in, in spite of my confusion.  John spent an hour trying to make plans with me for the next 6 months, John also used his pinky finger to tuck his far-to-long-for-my-taste blonde hair behind his ear, and John talked excessively about how much he wants children. On the walk out to our cars, I sensed that John was going to try to kiss me, and I did something I’m not proud of, and hope I will never resort to ever again. As John started to make his moves… I faked a sudden cold coming on, completely with fake sneezing and sniffling.  Don’t judge.

I’ve saved the best for last because this particular first date is both the best and worst first date I’ve ever been on to date… We’re going to call this young man Bad Timing. Bad Timing found me on Myspace (don’t get me started) and asked me out plan and simple and I said no. I said no the second and third time he asked me out as well. After being shot down the third time, Bad Timing changed his approach and asked if he could just call me, and I caved. Surprisingly we had a lot to talk about… and I enjoyed the conversation. We had such a good connection, I further relented and agreed to go out with him. It was late November and I needed to pick up a gift for my sister’s birthday. Bad Timing agreed to meet me there and then take me to dinner.  I was in the makeup store, searching for my sisters gift when he walked in, we spotted each other, and both realized at the same time we were wearing matching outfits and started laughing. It was cute… and so was he.  He took me to Chez Zee and we had more good conversation, fancy dinner, fancy wine, and fancy desert. Everything was going so smoothly, it might as well have been a scene from a movie! Given that it was so good, there are details that I’m not going to share, and so I’m skipping right to the end of the date. Bad Timing drove me back to my car (it was parked in front of the store we’d met at). I’d thought that he might try to kiss me earlier in the evening, but he hadn’t and I’d decided that was best anyway, so I was completely caught off guard when, while I was trying to heave my large purse over my shoulder and unbuckle my seat belt at the same time, he leaned in for a kiss. To put it nicely the kiss was awkward, Bad Timing had had very bad timing, indeed. The rest of the date had gone so well, however, that I was willing to over-look that, which I told my sister on the phone as I drove home.  Alas, I wouldn’t even have the opportunity to  over-look it because, lo and behold ,the next morning I received a text from Bad Timing saying that he didn’t think we should see each other again because “there was no spark when we kissed”. Up until then, I didn’t even know guys said things like that.

The thing that I hate about dating is that, really, it’s a setup for disaster if you’re even mildly interested in something that will last. It’s like going on a job interview… you get dressed up, you try to highlight all of your best qualities and usually as a result, don’t act like your self at all, which is a.) exhausting and b.) misleading.  Also it’s skipping the all the substance of what makes a relationship. I feel like romance should be born of friendship… which almost sounds trite considering that’s what everyone says. Everyone wants to fall in love with their friend… which is why it puzzle me to no end that we continue to date.  Dating is already assuming a romantic position when you haven’t even established a friendship yet.  It doesn’t make sense to me… so I refuse to do it any longer, I have no regrets about quitting the awkwardness of first dates either.

Which means, for me, that one of two things will be true in my life, either a.) I will be alone forever, or b.) there will be a better way to do this, and I’ll someday find a someone without having to date them. =)

/end rant.