If only I had a manual for my life that looked like this. “Screw pole A into pole B”… Yeah, I’m just going to leave that alone.

So today is my day off and I’ve been cleaning. Cleaning is an excellent way to keep ones mind busy and feel like you’ve gotten something accomplished, even if on a larger scale you feel as though you’re floundering.

There are moments when I feel so sure of everything that’s going on in my life, moments when I know things are going in the right direction, even if I’m not sure what that direction is exactly, and then there are other moments when it all feels so foreign that I start to question why exactly I’m here. It’ll pass, I’m sure, and I’ll end up more settled or something.  I just miss home today.

I think I owe at least a little of my glum mood to the rain and the cold I still have. It’s absolutely ridiculous that a single person can sneeze as much as I have in the last 3 days.

I’m listening to Ray LaMontagne sing Hey Me, Hey Mama from his album Gossip In The Grain and it reminds me that hiding away in my files I have a blog entry about music that I need to work on and get posted at some point in the near future.

I don’t really have much else to report today, I’m not in a very good mood. I’m put out with everything at the moment and I’d really prefer to be sitting in a corner sobbing if I’m being 100% honest. I can’t let myself do that though… What I need to be doing is reading and thinking and praying. That’s what I need to be doing.

My life is not easy to assemble. I have no real idea where I’m going or what I’m “supposed” to be doing, and next week I’ll turn 29 and I suppose right now I’m just frustrated with the understanding that even with 29 years of experience, I still don’t know what’s going on.

Advertisements